Driving

Driving



Driving driving

Panicked and heartsick

Having gotten the call

And knowing time was short



How long till I get there

Can't leave house to get on the road until I make plans

Have to make plans

Daughter has to be ok

And taken care of

Lesson plans have to be sent



Gotta get there on time

To say goodbye and try to tell her

In inadequate words how much I love her

To kiss her and touch her for the last time



Driving driving

Have to make it

It only takes two hours

He said it could be from two to forty eight hours

Hoping with all my heart it's the latter

Driving driving



Remembering other times when I got previous calls

Come, time is short

To tell those I love how much I love them

To kiss them for the last time

To hold their hands while their lives slipped away

To be there in that sacred space while the angels lovingly and graciously

Led them away to a new existence

Always made it in time



Driving driving

Other cars passing me

Have to go faster

No police stopping me

Almost there

At the parking garage and leaving car

Going straight to the hospital

Have to go through emergency room because it's late

Have to get a pass to her room

Surely I got here in time

I always did before



Another phone call

She's passed away

Time stops

Heart slips

Breath catches and throat constricts

I didn't make it

I always did before



Raw numbness

Enter her room

Into the unbearable sanctity

Of a vast cathedral

Dense with silence

And all that that means



Hugged by siblings who were such blessings to her

And she to them

...and she to me

See her lying there

just like she used to when she was sleeping

Impossible to believe

Shaking shaking

Can't stop shaking

Sitting sitting

And knowing that time has stopped forever




By Chrissy Bell