Having a tough time with my depression recently. It truly feels like below.
The Monster
It attacks when I am most vulnerable
It has no actual appearance but is huge and dreadful
It winds it's hooked claws around
My neck, my arms, my legs, feet, toes
It sinks those talons into my exposed tissues
And presses deeper and deeper
Needling into my arteries and muscles
I lose my breath, my ability to logically think
I pain all over in every vessicle and fissure of my body
My very cells scream out for release
And with anxiety I follow
Sinking into a fathomless abyss
Whose walls, like a well, circle around me
cutting off all view of hope and happiness
Sometimes a fellow victim crawls near me and I can call out for help
Though no help is forthcoming
But most often I'm all alone and I struggle to regain the surface
While the behemoth pulls stronger and stronger down and down
Until I begin to wish never to be in the open air ever again
Never to have to suffer like this
While others continue to blithely work and live and love and play
The colossus never lets go
Even when I begin to feel a fragment of hope,
The fiend returns to press inwardly and shadow my being
How to rid myself of this unspeakability
How to press out of the claws and hooks and well without fathom
How to return to the sunshine and knowledge of the possibility of happiness
How to lose my vulnerability and become stronger
Such that I no longer succumb to it's grasp
And hurdle out of that well of hopelessness
Time and the mercy of stronger beings
Understanding and the sharing of unspeakability
Compassion and the knowledge of better things
Compassion from others but also compassion for myself
Which has always been so hard for me to obtain
Since self-loathing is the foundation of the ogre
And knowledge as well as love of self may be the beginning of strength
And unconquerability
By Chrissy Bell
